


What if I wanted to fight, (Beg for the rest of my life?)

by merihn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-18
Updated: 2007-04-18
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:20:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merihn/pseuds/merihn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting drunk always leads to the loss of inhibitions, and Sam and Dean aren’t quite prepared for what happens when they lose theirs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What if I wanted to fight, (Beg for the rest of my life?)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [**mara_202**](http://mara-202.livejournal.com/), who requested angsty!reluctant!Sam/Dean. (Because I suck and can't write J2)

“Cocksucker!” Dean shouted as he held his arms up for balance, trying to walk on the very edge of the footpath. He failed miserably and almost ended up on his ass as his feet tangled. “You’re a cocksucker,” he panted as he righted himself.

Sam reached out and grabbed him, holding him up, as they swayed violently. “Oops,” Sam laughed. Dean turned in his arms and grinned up at him and they burst into long, raucous fits of laughter.

“I guess those last two shots weren’t such an awesome idea,” Dean slurred.

“Who cares? That was fun!” Sam’s tongue felt thick and heavy and he wondered if he slurred as much as Dean was. Then again, Dean had drunk at least twice as much as Sam and he was still standing, so Sam decided that they were going to be all right.

They finally made it back to the motel and after much fumbling with the keys and the lock, they managed to open the door and fall inside. They literally _fell_ inside because Dean had somehow managed to trip over Sam’s feet and fell on his ass, which caused his head drop to the ground and Sam was over balanced by Dean’s weight and fell heavily on top of him.

“Ooof!” All the air wooshed out of Dean, and after a few moments of just sitting there, he said “Jeez, Sam, lay off the deserts once in a while!” he wheezed.

“S-sorry.” Sam couldn’t help it, he started laughing again. After Sam finally got his breathing under control he moved until he got his hands under him and started to lift himself off of Dean. His older brother wiggled as he moved and Sam froze. Dean bit his lip and looked up at Sam, his pupils dilated, and then looked away and shut his eyes.

Sam closed his eyes for a moment then leant down and pressed his mouth to Dean’s. The shorter man made a muffled sound against his lips and moved his head; Sam wasn’t sure if Dean was trying to move away from him but all it succeeded in doing was their press their lips closer together. Then Dean opened his mouth and his tongue was licking at Sam’s lips. Sam opened his mouth and kissed back, hard, let their tongues entwine, pushing his knee in between Dean’s and forcing his legs open.

Dean grunted, his hands coming to clutch at Sam’s arms. He pushed up against Sam, rubbing his hardening cock against Sam’s leg and Sam knew, _knew_ that time what he felt and pushed his thigh forward, harder. Then Dean was pushing back on his arms, pushing his younger brother hard until their mouths parted. Sam looked down at his brother questioningly and Dean swallowed hard. “We…”

“…shouldn’t do this,” Sam finished, speaking even as he was leaning back down to kiss Dean, putting one of his hands between them so he could work open his brother’s jeans.

Dean turned his head, breaking the kiss again. “Sam, this is wrong,” he said, panting for breath, trying to ignore the way his brother was pressing his fingers against his burning erection, hot even through the layers of denim and cotton underwear.

“Our whole lives are wrong.” Sam licked and sucked at Dean’s neck in his between words, coaxing a moan out of Dean. Sam ground his hips down against Dean's and kissed him swiftly, forestalling anything more. Dean moaned into his mouth and pushed up frantically, his hands moving down to the hem of Sam's shirt and then pulling it up. Sam broke the kiss and pulled back until he could get the shirt over his head, leaning back then to pull Dean's off as well.

When they were both finally naked from the waist up, Sam bent to explore Dean's body, licking a path from his collarbone to his nipples. Dean reached between them and unbuttoned Sam's pants, roughly pushing them down as far as he could before starting on his own. When both their cocks were free, Dean pulled Sam down until their erections rubbed together. It felt so good that Sam moaned and lost track of what he was doing.

Once again, Sam pulled back again and wriggled around until his jeans were completely off, then straddled Dean's thighs and pressed down on him again. He licked at his hand, getting it wet as Dean settled his hands on Sam's hips and pulled him up further. He raised one hand to Sam's lips and pushed two fingers inside making Sam moan around them and reach between them to encircle both their cocks.

Dean pulled his fingers free with a wet pop and trailed them down Sam's spine, making him arch back and thrust into his own grip, dragging his cock against Dean's. Dean groaned and thrust up into Sam's hand as his fingers reached the top of Sam's arse and slipped between the cheeks, until Sam arched the other way, pushing back on Dean's finger as it slid into him. Dean worked the second one in after a moment and Sam forgot about his hand and just pushed back on Dean’s fingers, trying to get them in deeper as Dean twisted and scissored them.

Sam planted both his hands on the floor and moved up Dean’s chest as his elder brother began to work in a third finger. Dean crooked his elbow for a better angle and pushed them deeper inside of Sam’s body. Sam panted and moved, leaning down to nip at Dean’s jaw; he pressed a kiss to his lips before he pulled away, tearing Dean’s fingers out of him with a shudder and moving forward until he was straddling Dean’s hips.

“Wait,” Dean said, panting, his fingers gripping Sam’s hips so tightly that he could see the skin go white around each digit.

“What?” Sam frowned, looking down at him.

“We definitely need lube for this. Over in my duffle, in the front pocket.” Dean let go of Sam’s hips and dropped his hands to the floor, swallowing thickly as the sour trace of alcohol in his mouth got to him.

“My brother, the boy scout.” Sam teased, but he still leaned down to kiss Dean hard, counteracting the scorn, before pulling away to rustle through Dean’s bag. Dean watched Sam in the dim lamplight, trying to stop any thoughts from coming but no matter how hard he tried, he still knew this was wrong and he didn’t know what to do. Then Sam was back, kneeling over him and spreading hand-warmed lube over his cock then holding it steady as he pushed back, and suddenly Dean’s mind was blank, all _hard, heat, sweat and tight, tight, tight._

Sam’s face was set and sweaty as he pushed down, twisting his hips slightly to get comfortable as Dean stared mindlessly up at him, his mouth slightly open, gasping for breath as Sam enveloped him, his tight heat pulsing around Dean’s cock.

When he was fully seated on his brother’s cock, Sam leaned down and kissed Dean all the while still twisting his hips. Dean kissed him back ferociously, biting at his mouth, plunging his tongue in and wrestling with Sam’s. Sam pulled back after a moment and rolled his hips, which made Dean’s eyes roll back into his head at the sudden change of the angle.

“Dean,” Sam murmured, his fingers clutching at Dean’s sides as he started to move up and down. Dean struggled to look at him and Sam locked their gaze, urging Dean’s hips to move with his. Sam’s cock was blood-dark and hard between them. Dean curled his fingers around it and started to jerk his brother off as Sam continued to ride him. He nearly unseated Sam when his brother clenched around him and Dean bucked wildly upwards.

It was all over too soon – _Not soon enough_ his mind reminded him – as Dean pumped Sam’s cock in time with their rhythm until Sam tightened impossibly around him and came messily over Dean’s chest. Dean thrust up one last time and pulsed into Sam’s body, mouth gaping at the feeling.

For a moment they stayed just like that, with Dean on his back and Sam straddling him. Then Sam shifted, letting Dean’s softening cock slide from his body. Dean rolled away and pulled himself up, stumbling into the bathroom as the alcohol hit him again. He washed himself off; splashed water on his face and then looked at himself in the mirror for a long time.

When he got out Sam touched him lightly on the arm as he passed his brother on the way into the bathroom and Dean barely contained a flinch. He pulled on his boxers and a shirt and slipped into his bed, turning onto his side and away from the bathroom as well as the other bed.

When Sam came out of the small bathroom Dean could hear the intake of breath that usually preceded one of his brother’s long-winded speeches, but Sam stayed silent and after a moment climbed into his own bed, huffing as he got comfortable.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice sounded very small in the dark and Dean squeezed his eyes shut and maintained his even breathing, pretending to be asleep. Sam sighed heavily after a moment and Dean could hear him moving around in his bed as he tried to get comfortable.

_What are we going to do?_

 

*****

 

It happened a few more times, when they let go enough to get well and truly drunk but every time Dean ignored the fact that it had happened and then acted like everything was normal. He couldn't confront it, he couldn't let himself think about it. Because if he did, he might do something truly stupid like tell Sam to get out of his life forever... or he'd disappear himself and no matter what, he couldn't let that happen. So he would take what he could get, feeling sick and guilty every time, no matter what Sam said, but push it into the dark hours of the night, leaving the day clean and clear.

Sam tried to do the same, tried to forget the way Dean’s body felt against his, how it felt when they kissed, hard and desperate. Sometimes he found himself longing to touch Dean, especially when his brother's hands were on the wheel of the car, gently caressing the worn leather, his legs splayed as he drove. It brought a rush of need and longing so strong Sam had to turn away, scrunch himself in as tight as possible and force his mind onto something else.

And after Dean got gored by the wild boar he accidentally stumbled onto, it never happened again and there was nothing Sam could do to change his mind. It hurt him to see Dean this way but Dean was adamant. He could just barely hunt and that was what he focused on and sometimes Sam really wondered why he stayed around at all.  



End file.
